Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
