i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
