I need help removing her.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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