My room smells like vodka and shame
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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