i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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