stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
