my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize