My liver just broke up with me...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
