He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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