if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
