Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
