My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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