According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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