i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
