Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
