The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
