Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i will never coherently bang her
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
