We named our party play list daddy issues
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
