I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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