her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
