nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
