remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
