at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
