I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My bed smells like the plague
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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