after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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