dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
