I am spending my child support on dildos
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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