Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize