you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
