hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
