how can u be prego again
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
