Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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