Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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