he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
