Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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