He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
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