Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
