your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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