i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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