that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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