Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
