we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so let's talk penis.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
