Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
