So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
they're like a gay fantastic four
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
