We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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