i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize