i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
even my farts smell like vagina
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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