Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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