What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
