No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
