you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize