Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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