I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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