oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The struggles of a small town man whore
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
