i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
