why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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