I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
