I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
