roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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