I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize