My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Boobs are out for the taking
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
