ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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