i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
