Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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