Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
